Thursday, June 15, 2006

I told you so...

SugarBabe, a regular GOP commenter at local sites like Fort Bend Now, has confirmed for me here that "a well-known Fort Bend elected official" will indeed challenge the proportionality of the 4 Horsechairs of the Apocolypse. But alas, I never said "elected official". So the the circles on our ven diagram have contracted quite a bit.

So let's take a look at the big board! Which one of these handsome fellas is gonna file suit?

ANDY MEYERS, Commissioner Pct 3,
trying his best to look like a mammal.

Already a declared candidate, already a flop.
He scares small children. There's really nothing
more to say.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 5:3

CHARLIE HOWARD, State Rep District 26,
trying his best to look like a eukaryote.

Another declared candidate, slightly less flopish,
slightly more frightening to children. My sources
say he feels confident, but for no apparent reason.
So a suit seems unlikely, but my man in Vegas
is still calling it even.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 5:5

BOB HEBERT, PhD, County Judge,
surviving an encounter with infamous gunman
Richard Cheney.

Not nearly as jolly as he appears. In fact,
he's a terrifyingly cronyistic reactionary.
He has not declared himself a candidate,
which makes him a strong spoiler suspect.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 6:3

DAVID WALLACE, Mayor of Sugar Land
taking a very temporary break from
doing some seriously shady stuff.

Bob Perry's ethically challenged cabana boy
wants the seat so bad that I believe he might
literally kill for it. So yes, another strong
suspect. His goal is to put the race in the hands
of the Republican State Executive Committee,
knowing he has lost the war for the cold dead
hearts and twisted minds of CD22 GOP precinct

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 6:4

currently on tour with Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg.

On the plus side, he was a former Texas Ranger.
On the con side, he's Milton Wright.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 1:999 multiplied
by the atomic weight of titanium

JAMES PATTERSON, Commissioner Pct 4,
emerging briefly from his Magic Cloak of Invisibility

Don't even pretend like you know James
Patterson. Two words - Bench warmer.
He ain't the guy.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 1:9

TOM STAVINOHA, Commissioner Pct 1,
having a fantastic hair day.

Some day, the Fort Bend GOP will wise up
and run a Needville politican district-wide.
And the name Stavinoha is like Kennedy on
the west side. But make no mistake, the
Fort Bend contender will come from the Sugar
Land area. Gillen and co. think those of us
on this side of the Brazos River smell funny.
And we do. It's called Old Spice and pork ribs.

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 1:7



Gary Fredrickson
Gary Geick
Jim Richard

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 1:20


A.J. Dorr
Rob Cook
Troy Nehls

Probability/GetTheHellOuttaHere Ratio - 1:30


And on the Subject of Redistricting:

Over the past few days rumors circulated rapidly and broadly that the U.S. Supreme Court would issue its decision on the Texas re- districting case this morning. So far, an opinion has not been issued and is no longer expected today.

Looking forward, the Supreme Court is expected to release opinions on pending cases each Monday and Thursday of this month. So, before rumors begin flying again, keep in mind that he decision on Texas redistricting could be released on any of the following dates: June 19, June 22, June 26 or June 29. U.S. Supreme Court opinions are typically released at 10:00 a.m. and can be checked at the Supreme Court website.



Blogger muse said...

All of those people are unattractive white men. All scary. So, are they dumb enough to try and change the four horses of the apocalype scenario? And, drag this thing on even longer? That stupid person is Andy Meyers. That's my guess. Andy "I like to make an ass out of myself Meyers."

5:45 PM  
Anonymous Bonkers said...

what is it with Republican't men and plastered hair???????????????

5:56 PM  

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