Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Lampson - DeLay update: Amicus Lunacy

A plausible, if somewhat horrifying
despiction of what "Jared Woodfill"
might look like...

Ok, Jared Woodfill (if that is his real name), chairman of the Harris County Republican Party (assuming such a position actually exists), has released an online petition. He asserts that "Nick Lampson" (this guy) and "his liberal allies" (that's me, Babs Streisand, and Hugo Chavez) are tying to "keep our Republican candidate" (and I don't think he means the one who won the primary) off "the ballot" (actually a small tablet computer with secret proprietary software).

Who is this petition addressed to?

The United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit.

Give it a second, and let the moist irony soak in.

Now while I have full confidence in the discerning legal minds of the Fifth Circuit, my friend Dr. Elvis Delicious Funkenstein could not resist the opportunity to address the justices directly, with frantic non-sequiturs and AIM txt talk, just like the founding fathers intended:

Dear Sirs,

I am signing this petition because as a DaDaist funk maven, I like to sign things that are totally absurd. And submitting an online petition in an attempt to politically lobby a federal appellate court is out-of-this-galaxy absurd! Work that funky rump GOP!

Also, I hope you continue to stand strong against activist judges who follow opinion polls instead of the law. Oh wait, I just realized what a MASSIVE BURN that was! OMG LOL WTF!!! U = pwned!!!!1111

By the way, esteemed impartial justices of the 5th circuit, can you also outlaw the gay stuff? Not like the Girls Gone Wild commercials I see late night on cable, but you know, the really GAY stuff...

Sincerely yours in Christ,

Dr. Elvis Delicious Funkenstein


Anonymous Don Bishop Magic Juan Fabulous said...

Activist Smacktivist! Sign me up!

That Woodfool dropped the bomb on me! And stole my gold cufflinks!

2:09 PM  
Anonymous Sister Aretha of the Immaculate Tablet said...

Pooolice! Police! Woodfill just robbed Trendy Jewelry on Harwin.

I bought that watch there myself just like that one for $7.75.

2:32 PM  
Anonymous Also Trendy said...

When you're pimping George Bush's social policies, you have to dress for the role.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He's got enough brylcreem in his hair to service 3 used KIAs.

See Sour Republican Whine

6:36 PM  
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