Sunday, September 17, 2006

Depressed local GOP holds depressing meeting full of depression.

Sorry guys - I've been buried in school and a bit out of the loop over the past week. This PBS&J stuff has been fascinating (if less than shocking), and like Alice, we're all peering over the edge wondering just how far this rabbit hole goes.

But today, I really wanted to share a great news article from a couple of days ago. It seems the local Republicans finally got around to opening a headquarters. They even managed to get a few people to actually show up. Local media says 50, but a local GOP'er in one of my classes said that number was false, and they had about 80. Go figure - Typical liberal media lies.

Well, as someone who just helped arranged a rally of 400 Democrats, I think that's just adorable. Remind me to swing by and see if they have a laser.

I wanted some of you guys to see what the current GOP attitude is, so here are a few quotes from the local GOP nominees:

Unqualified GOP District Clerk candidate Annie Elliot: "The Democrats are working hard - extremely hard - and it's scary."

Glad you noticed Annie. But what's really scary is that you have no experience in the county's clerical offices and no supervisory experience whatsoever, and yet you want to be the registrar of our court system. What's even scarier is that even with your total lack of relevant experience, you are still one of the most qualified GOP candidates in a pack of hideously unqualified loons...

Terrifyingly incompetent GOP judicial candidate Bud Childers: "We need to uniformly get together and we need to need your help."

Poor Bud. He's so needy. And even if you forget that he has no courtroom experience, it's hard not to notice that he has a problem with split infinitives. He really needs to speak uniformly. And I love the Cheap Trick reference:

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I'm beggin you to beg me.

Didnt I, didnt I, didnt I see you cryin?
Oh, didnt I, didnt I, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin.
Oh, didnt I, didnt I, didnt I see you cryin?

State Rep. District 28 candidate John Zerwas, meanwhile, said his biggest concern with the race is his own party.

My biggest concern with your race, good Doctor, is the fact that you're firmly in the pocket of the big pharma and insurance lobby, but hey, we have different priorities. Believe me, I understand the man's concern...I wouldn't want to be associated with a bloated system of corruption and plutocracy either. So I imagine Dr. John will just keep putting his campaign signs edged right up against our "Had Enough? Vote Democratic!" signs. Typical "cut-and-run-as-a -Democrat" strategy.

Long story short, things are a mess on the other side. It really couldn't be worse to be a Republican these days...Unless of course you're a woefully unqualified Fort Bend County Republican. Seriously, take a look at the current slate of candidates we're being offered by the GOP:
  • A clerk candidate who has no clerking experience.
  • A county treasurer candidate who plays golf with the guys he will be charged with watch-dogging.
  • A JP candidate with no experience with youthful offenders or the criminal justice system.
  • One judicial candidate who has never seen the inside of a courtroom.
  • Another judicial candidate who has been reprimanded by the State Bar for "failing to act in a manner that promotes public confidence in the integrity and impartiality of the judiciary."
For months now, this seriously-below-average group of candidates have had the good fortune of a bizarre congressional race that dominated local media coverage. Their only hope is to remain anonymous, because once a voter learns ANYTHING about them, they are significantly less likely to support them. That's enough to give any crony the blues.


Anonymous Susan said...

By the way, a friend of mine was at the Republican party headquarters opening and said about 45 people were there and 30 of them weren't speaking to each other.

I'm considering the gift of paint ball guns. They can walk around looking like rainbows!

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wanted to go to the Republican grand opening just to give them something to unite about.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

They should have nominated Talton. Then at least there would have been cookies. ;)

11:29 AM  
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